When God calls my name
It really isn't the same
as when I decide my road
I put myself on overload
Yea tho' I walk throught the valley of the shadow of death...I will not fear the bats that circle nor the mice that intrude my home. For thou art with me O' God and the dark will not trouble me...so long as I put my trust in you..... My paraphrase of Psalms 23 as it applies to me right now!
Fear runs to and fro' within my heart as I contemplate the road that has been set before me. To return to my old home and take up responsibilities I had thought to be long past. A time in my life when fear rocked my very world and the role of caretaker was mine. Memories of sitting on the floor calling out my Mothers name, trying to get her to give me some sign that she was still here.
My Mother is a brittle diabetic. She survived pancreatic cancer nearly sixteen years ago and it has left her without most of her insides and a severe diabetic. Her blood sugars rise and fall at their own whim and we are at their mercy.
My parents sold their home as it had become too much to take care of. In their aging years a farm has many chores, mouths to feed and a house falling down around us. I remember all too well lying awake at night listening for any break in her uneven breathing. Waiting to hear her crash to the floor at any moment while the other ear listened to the bats outside my window and wondering if they might, once again, find their way into our home.
The rodents that found their way into our home on a regular basis were the least of my worries. The inevitable noise would wake me and my role of care-taker changed to that of frantic paramedic with little or no training. Trying to revive my Mother as she lay, once again, motionless wherever she had lost consciousness. Minutes drag by as my attempts to bring her blood sugar back up to normal levels and to regain her conscious mind. Never knowing if this is to be her last breath and I am the one to witness it.
Waiting desperately for the sounds of sirens piercing the night and for the welcome face of Mary or Rita to take this role from me once again. Going back home brings with it much peace and joy. Yet at the same time the quickened beat of my heart reminds me that I am the chosen one to care for my ailing parents.
While my siblings help in any way they can, I know that the role rests on me. To give my parents the peace and joy of spending their last days on this earth in the home they love is the least I can do for them. God never hands us a task that cannot be handled. We must simply remember that this task can ONLY be handled when I say "God, I can't do this alone".
God does not expect me to walk this path alone. He has provided friends and a support system to take care of me while I take care of my parents. My family, my friends and best of all, God is here. It is in that time that He carries me. There are only one set of footsteps in my sand right now, and those are the footsteps of God carrying me, and carrying my parents. I am not alone. I know this. And I thank God for that!
(c)copryight 2010 danni
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Whats all that easter stuff about..
As the days of preparation wind to a close
What God has planned no one really knows
And the dressed Him up in purple and after weaving a crown of thorns, they put it on Him. And they began to proclaim Him, "Hail, King of the Jews"!
Mark 15:16-17
The days of frantic preparation are about over and the story of Jesus death on the cross about to unfold before this audience called our small town. Easter eggs are popping up all around us and the Easter bunny has proclaimed his place on the shelves of our stores.
How many will rejoice in the eggs and chocolate and miss the death of Jesus. How many will hunt for easter eggs only to miss out on the true meaning of this holiday? May we not miss the story, that is so important before us. The fun of egg hunts and seeking out chocolate or other goodies within a plastic egg can be fun and entertaining for an afternoon. Yet, may the beauty of the resurrection of Jesus Christ be the memory that stays with us when the candy is goone, and the fake grass fades and the real blades turn to green beneath our feet.
As the story unfolds before us of the arrest, crucifixion and ultimate glory that this story brings. May we remember the easter bunny for a moment and remember that Jesus died on a cross to save you and I from our sins, and that He rose again! As no other God or figure head has ever done in history. May this be the story that stays with us throughout the years and makes all of this hustle and bustle worthwhile.
We are His Passion! May we never forget that this story came about because He loved us and wanted us with HIM!
(c)copright 2010 danni
What God has planned no one really knows
And the dressed Him up in purple and after weaving a crown of thorns, they put it on Him. And they began to proclaim Him, "Hail, King of the Jews"!
Mark 15:16-17
The days of frantic preparation are about over and the story of Jesus death on the cross about to unfold before this audience called our small town. Easter eggs are popping up all around us and the Easter bunny has proclaimed his place on the shelves of our stores.
How many will rejoice in the eggs and chocolate and miss the death of Jesus. How many will hunt for easter eggs only to miss out on the true meaning of this holiday? May we not miss the story, that is so important before us. The fun of egg hunts and seeking out chocolate or other goodies within a plastic egg can be fun and entertaining for an afternoon. Yet, may the beauty of the resurrection of Jesus Christ be the memory that stays with us when the candy is goone, and the fake grass fades and the real blades turn to green beneath our feet.
As the story unfolds before us of the arrest, crucifixion and ultimate glory that this story brings. May we remember the easter bunny for a moment and remember that Jesus died on a cross to save you and I from our sins, and that He rose again! As no other God or figure head has ever done in history. May this be the story that stays with us throughout the years and makes all of this hustle and bustle worthwhile.
We are His Passion! May we never forget that this story came about because He loved us and wanted us with HIM!
(c)copright 2010 danni
I am a Martha...
I am a Martha ...
and I need to be a Mary
But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up {to Him} and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; Luke 10:40-41
Now that Passion Play is over and I have a bit more time on my hands I have a whole list of things I want to do. My house is a wreck and it's going to make me crazy until I get it in order again. I want to get some writing done and I want t get my brushes out and paint! But, I can't! I guess I am going to be forced to slow down a bit and quit rushing around so much.
I think I get busy, get ahead of myself and my feet go out from under me. Literally! Yup, I fell again. It makes me so upset when I fall but it forces me to back up, slow down and focus on what is most important. It's not my to-do list or things I need to do or places I need to go. It's sitting here quietly, spending time with God and really reflecting on Him. I can get so caught up in what I need to do.....that I forget what I need to do!
I have taken this afternoon and simply stayed quiet. Praying some, sleeping allot and reflecting on the week that has just passed. It is not about how good the costumes looked or how many lines were remembered on cue. It's about how many people were touched by Jesus and gave thier hearts to HIM! I am a Martha, God made me the way I am. Bossy, controlling, and completely anal about housework, details and making sure things get done in a timely manner. But, part of me is also a Mary. Trying to remember that sitting at the feet of Jesus needs to be done, even if I haven't fallen and sprained my knee in the process. Reminding myself that Martha and Mary both have their place in this world, and it's all about finding that balance between them!
(c)copyright 2010 danni andrew
and I need to be a Mary
But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up {to Him} and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; Luke 10:40-41
Now that Passion Play is over and I have a bit more time on my hands I have a whole list of things I want to do. My house is a wreck and it's going to make me crazy until I get it in order again. I want to get some writing done and I want t get my brushes out and paint! But, I can't! I guess I am going to be forced to slow down a bit and quit rushing around so much.
I think I get busy, get ahead of myself and my feet go out from under me. Literally! Yup, I fell again. It makes me so upset when I fall but it forces me to back up, slow down and focus on what is most important. It's not my to-do list or things I need to do or places I need to go. It's sitting here quietly, spending time with God and really reflecting on Him. I can get so caught up in what I need to do.....that I forget what I need to do!
I have taken this afternoon and simply stayed quiet. Praying some, sleeping allot and reflecting on the week that has just passed. It is not about how good the costumes looked or how many lines were remembered on cue. It's about how many people were touched by Jesus and gave thier hearts to HIM! I am a Martha, God made me the way I am. Bossy, controlling, and completely anal about housework, details and making sure things get done in a timely manner. But, part of me is also a Mary. Trying to remember that sitting at the feet of Jesus needs to be done, even if I haven't fallen and sprained my knee in the process. Reminding myself that Martha and Mary both have their place in this world, and it's all about finding that balance between them!
(c)copyright 2010 danni andrew
God will answer your prayers...
God will answer your prayers,
beyond your wildest dreams,
and in a way you never thought possible!
Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4
As a writer I tend to exercise my wild imagination pretty frequently. I could write novels, I just choose to write non-fiction. My idea of the best thing God could possibly do for me is kind of like shopping at a dollar store when God has far bigger plans.
I look around my small world and imagine what could be if God just saw things my way. God looks around His great big world and see's things the way they really are! God's way of seeing things is on a far grander scale than anything I could imagine. It's kind of like shopping for a car and buying a Yugo when God would have given you a Camaro if you just let Him do the looking for you. When you look at life through God's glasses the possibilities are infinite. What He wants for you is so much better than anything you could possibly come up with on your own, that to actually look around and try to make a decision is simply .... crazy!
Without letting God have His input that is. Any decision made without God is a decision that should not be made. When I seek His face and really try to listen to what God has to say, I mean really listen! That is when things work out and my life run's so much smoother. Your life can be small and insignificant or it can be beyond your wildest dreams, and in a way you never thought possible!
What God has planned for you is simply amazing. Don't settle! See what God has planned for you and it will blow your mind!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
beyond your wildest dreams,
and in a way you never thought possible!
Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4
As a writer I tend to exercise my wild imagination pretty frequently. I could write novels, I just choose to write non-fiction. My idea of the best thing God could possibly do for me is kind of like shopping at a dollar store when God has far bigger plans.
I look around my small world and imagine what could be if God just saw things my way. God looks around His great big world and see's things the way they really are! God's way of seeing things is on a far grander scale than anything I could imagine. It's kind of like shopping for a car and buying a Yugo when God would have given you a Camaro if you just let Him do the looking for you. When you look at life through God's glasses the possibilities are infinite. What He wants for you is so much better than anything you could possibly come up with on your own, that to actually look around and try to make a decision is simply .... crazy!
Without letting God have His input that is. Any decision made without God is a decision that should not be made. When I seek His face and really try to listen to what God has to say, I mean really listen! That is when things work out and my life run's so much smoother. Your life can be small and insignificant or it can be beyond your wildest dreams, and in a way you never thought possible!
What God has planned for you is simply amazing. Don't settle! See what God has planned for you and it will blow your mind!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
If it does't come from God...
If it doesn't come from God throw it out!
That is what making decisions is about
Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. Isaiah 30:21
I have a friend who has come back into my life recently. She manages to send me an email once in awhile and that email is invariably what I need to hear at the time. My struggle to make sense of what God has set before me has brought me many questions.
What should I do next? What should I think of that? Where should I go from here? The only answer I have really come up with is ... "If it doesn't come from God, throw it out"! I know what God has laid before me as far as what I should be doing with my life. That is very clear. My writing, painting and my work with Passion Play are truly from God. The rest of it will get worked out and God will let me know when it is time for me to know. These are called details! Leave the details to God.
My life is on a course and it is up to me to listen to what God has to say. To turn left when he says to turn left and to turn right when he says to turn right. And most of all, to stay on the course no matter what! When it's God's course the destination is always going to be an awesome one. There is an old saying that Life is a journey, not a destination. That is true with God to. If you hurry up and try to find out how the ending is, you will miss the beauty along the way.
So, slow down, look around you and really see what God is doing. If you don't, you will miss the best part! We know where the journey will end. Getting there is half the fun.
(c)copyright 2010 danni
That is what making decisions is about
Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. Isaiah 30:21
I have a friend who has come back into my life recently. She manages to send me an email once in awhile and that email is invariably what I need to hear at the time. My struggle to make sense of what God has set before me has brought me many questions.
What should I do next? What should I think of that? Where should I go from here? The only answer I have really come up with is ... "If it doesn't come from God, throw it out"! I know what God has laid before me as far as what I should be doing with my life. That is very clear. My writing, painting and my work with Passion Play are truly from God. The rest of it will get worked out and God will let me know when it is time for me to know. These are called details! Leave the details to God.
My life is on a course and it is up to me to listen to what God has to say. To turn left when he says to turn left and to turn right when he says to turn right. And most of all, to stay on the course no matter what! When it's God's course the destination is always going to be an awesome one. There is an old saying that Life is a journey, not a destination. That is true with God to. If you hurry up and try to find out how the ending is, you will miss the beauty along the way.
So, slow down, look around you and really see what God is doing. If you don't, you will miss the best part! We know where the journey will end. Getting there is half the fun.
(c)copyright 2010 danni
When God doesn't make sense...
When God doesn't make sense
I need to get off the fence
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Just when I think I have God figured out He changes things on me. I think I know what he is going to do... And boom, he does something else? I sit here and shake my head and wonder what is God up to today? I really don't kow! But, I do know one thing. God stays steady even when I can't make up my mind. I think I want one thing, then something happens and I think, "well maybe I really didn't want that after all"!
In reality, God didn't change his mind, I changed mine. When I focus on what God has planned for me and quit trying to put my two cents worth in, is when things really begin to work out. God knows all along what he wants to do and it really has very little to do with my thoughts. It's not that God doesn't care what I think. He does. But he has such a better plan than mine that I really can't try to even make plans because if I really listen to God and focus on His best for my life, then my plans are not the point anyway.
Go with the flow. God's flow! Only God knows what is best and I am his servant anyway. And that is really where I want to be!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
I need to get off the fence
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Just when I think I have God figured out He changes things on me. I think I know what he is going to do... And boom, he does something else? I sit here and shake my head and wonder what is God up to today? I really don't kow! But, I do know one thing. God stays steady even when I can't make up my mind. I think I want one thing, then something happens and I think, "well maybe I really didn't want that after all"!
In reality, God didn't change his mind, I changed mine. When I focus on what God has planned for me and quit trying to put my two cents worth in, is when things really begin to work out. God knows all along what he wants to do and it really has very little to do with my thoughts. It's not that God doesn't care what I think. He does. But he has such a better plan than mine that I really can't try to even make plans because if I really listen to God and focus on His best for my life, then my plans are not the point anyway.
Go with the flow. God's flow! Only God knows what is best and I am his servant anyway. And that is really where I want to be!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
Tossed by the wind...
It is as though it were tossed to the wind...
Never to show it's ugly face again
Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16
Have you ever regretted something you have done? Have you ever wished you could take back a word you said or a love lost? Sometimes you can and sometimes you just can't! But, any time, you can ask God to forgive you. He is right there, ready and willing to forgive you. I have one such friend. It was someone I loved very much and I hurt that friend, I know I did. That was close to thirty years ago. I don't know where this person is and my contact with him has been broken. I can't call him up and say, "Hey, I am so sorry, please forgive me"!
And even if I could my friend may not want to forgive me. And that decision is between he and God. But, I can get on my knee's and put my own regrets before God. I can ask forgiveness. This is not something to be taken lightly. God knows my heart, He knows that if I could do it over again I would. I would do things different.
True forgiveness comes from your own heart. If you are truly sorry for something you have done, go ask God to forgive you. Place that hurt at the foot of the cross and let it go. That doesn't mean it's like it never happened. It means you have been forgiven. We learn from our mistakes and try our best not to make them again.
So to my friend, somewhere out there on the roads of life. I am truly sorry I hurt you. I pray that God heals your heart and if you are still angry at me, well, that's ok. I really don't blame you. I know God has forgiven me. And if it's any consulation. I learned from it!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
Never to show it's ugly face again
Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16
Have you ever regretted something you have done? Have you ever wished you could take back a word you said or a love lost? Sometimes you can and sometimes you just can't! But, any time, you can ask God to forgive you. He is right there, ready and willing to forgive you. I have one such friend. It was someone I loved very much and I hurt that friend, I know I did. That was close to thirty years ago. I don't know where this person is and my contact with him has been broken. I can't call him up and say, "Hey, I am so sorry, please forgive me"!
And even if I could my friend may not want to forgive me. And that decision is between he and God. But, I can get on my knee's and put my own regrets before God. I can ask forgiveness. This is not something to be taken lightly. God knows my heart, He knows that if I could do it over again I would. I would do things different.
True forgiveness comes from your own heart. If you are truly sorry for something you have done, go ask God to forgive you. Place that hurt at the foot of the cross and let it go. That doesn't mean it's like it never happened. It means you have been forgiven. We learn from our mistakes and try our best not to make them again.
So to my friend, somewhere out there on the roads of life. I am truly sorry I hurt you. I pray that God heals your heart and if you are still angry at me, well, that's ok. I really don't blame you. I know God has forgiven me. And if it's any consulation. I learned from it!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
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